“Empathy is………
seeing with the eyes of another,
listening with the ears of another
and feeling with the heart of another”.
Alfred Adler.
Our ageing population is rapidly increasing globally, yet within the last 25 years it has become sadly evident that many of our mainstream younger generations are responding to this change in generational dynamic by withdrawing and limiting positive connections and exchanges with our senior society.
This is subsequently creating segregation between age groups, a subdivision within humankind, and clearly exposes evidence of a cumulative, destructive lack of consideration towards our older population.
This unfortunate attitude is establishing a disturbing, and concerning foundation instituted upon, at times, disrespecting and dishonouring those who have lived prior to us, and who have fought for our future.
“Caring for our seniors is perhaps the greatest responsibility we have. Those who walked before us have given us so much and made possible the life we enjoy”.
John Hoeven.
Evolution ensures each generation survives a lengthier existence.
This is partially due to ongoing progressive changes as the populace adapts to our ever-changing environment, inclusive of the substantial impact of modern medicine.
Older age may be confronting to us all; however, it may conversely be viewed as the most valuable chapter of the entire life experience.
Enabling and supporting our senior population by embracing and respecting age, may potentially create opportunities that heighten influence towards positive transformations in what may seem quite a callous mindset by many existing within our community.
This in turn may convert current societal stereotypical attitudes from evolving, based on stigmatising impressions about ageing that plague many older people, and instead promote a sense of heightened expectation and liberation.
It is critical we respond to the needs of our ageing cohort by committing to the development of personalised initiatives that strive to meet the diverse requirements of this age group.
Person centred care is a basic human right and encourages intensified awareness correlating with the specific requirements of each individual, acknowledging the preeminent need to cater to and develop care that celebrates each person’s uniqueness.
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“Loneliness is the Ultimate Poverty”
Pauline Phillips.
Leah Bisiani
Adequately robust and strengthened frameworks are therefore essential, so we may ensure our older populace are provided with the necessary deference to continue ‘living well’, through upholding and promoting ‘positive ageing’ and endorsing ‘health and wellbeing’.
Healthy ageing approaches should furthermore permit a senior person to articulate awareness of their necessities, thus provide us with invaluable insight into developing interventions that allow participation in choice and decision making, equipping all of us, together, in partnership, with the skills to nurture and face the future as one.
It must be projected that the compelling factor here is, ‘going without should not be an option’.
Advocating a solution and providing a supportive community may well be the catalyst to our seniors living with a greater
sense of contentment, pleasure, and exuberance, as opposed to a sense of bleakness and ill being.
It is paramount that we highlight what are considered the principal necessities for each older individual to continue living a fulfilling, stimulating, caring and reverential existence.
The objective should be to provide enhanced opportunities to facilitate the reality of the ‘golden years’. ************
Dementia may challenge us all, because of the fundamental complexity of the condition, however it is time we regain our focus, first and foremost, and behold life through the eyes of the person living with dementia.
Habitually, our lack of human decency, bred by prejudicial assumptions regarding dementia, affect how we treat people, thus depriving them of basic biopsychosocial needs, which are inherently based on compassion and empathy.
Our own subjective conjectures and ignorance have much to answer for.
These dehumanising attitudes are often a significant source instigating intense suffering within the lives of our increasingly older population who live with dementia.
We are very quick to proclaim these discriminating verdicts, without even considering the individual living with dementia as being the only true expert linked to their own lived experience.
People living with dementia are the actuality, and thus it is only they who truly live the reality we need to grasp, and it is only they who can illustrate to us the diverse and intricate possibilities within their own personal truth.
Hence, by listening to them, we gain an unbelievable insight into a certainty of which may eventually, reverse all the stereotypes that WE have created about them.
Contemplate what it must feel like to be ostracized, excluded, marginalised, judged, and treated as if you have lost your humanity purely because you live with a condition that affects your brain.
It is critical we are held accountable for the twisting of information shaped from intellectual suppositions and uncertainties, fashioning typecasts that have been for too long, based purely on our own internal dread.
These arrogant and heartless attitudes about those we consider to be ‘different’, ghettoize and isolate people living with dementia in an extremely destructive manner.
To care for or understand a person living with dementia in a respectful and dignified manner, is to essentially ensure continuation of life as they know and choose it, thus requires a major conversion of ‘our’ inner fears and impressions associated with dementia.
Let us examine the perspective of people who live with dementia, without the judgmental generalisations that we tend to place upon them.
The best we can do, as cognitively aware individuals, is assume, given the incredibly diverse, distinct variable associated with every individual who lives with dementia, correlated with our limited ability to grasp life through the eyes of these incredibly resilient and courageous people.
Consequently, it is likewise and therefore, our responsibility to dispel those stereotypical myths, by navigating change, enabling people living with dementia to live free of the stigma we have so recklessly pitched in their direction.
Instead, maybe we should encourage intensified awareness regarding the specific rights and needs of those who live every single day with this condition.
We must, accordingly, cease the inequitable labelling of people, which continue in our so-called educated society, founded on attitudes constructed about a condition we can barely conceive.
As we know, losing one’s memory does not mean losing oneself, nor does it alter the elemental necessity to meaningfully
communicate, continue relationships with others, and to feel appreciated and ‘affirmed’ as a complete being within this
current moment.
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Henceforth, if we truly understand the reality, and specific needs of every individual living with dementia, in relation to their
perspective, we might significantly and profoundly influence their lives positively, minimising core suffering and inner pain
from occurring.
Simply by ‘listening’. ************
The context of pain – physical and emotional:
Chronic, relentless, debilitating and poorly managed intractable pain in older people living with dementia is consistently discussed as a significant indicator for incapacity and rapid deterioration.
It is similarly often proposed, that when a person living with dementia doesn’t ‘verbalise’ they are experiencing considerable physical pain, we may erroneously presume that they are not suffering pain at all.
Or even, as some medical professionals may suggest, people who live with cognitive changes do not experience pain with the same intensity as a cognitively aware individual may.
What rot!!~
How overwhelmingly heinous is this neglectful cruelty, and flippant disregard for a person’s suffering?????
As I often reinforce, this is incorrect information, founded on our absolute rigid reliance on the verbal aspect of communicating, and our poorly honed observational skills.
This is a highly inappropriate error in judgement, given people living with dementia obviously feel pain just as acutely as we do.
Consider and reflect now on a category of pain that is even harder to express, let alone conduct a dialogue about.
This is pain within the context of emotional, psychosocial, and internal agony.
Some may say the most debilitating, crippling, and excruciating pain of all!!!!!!
People who live with dementia, people who have dialectical inconsistencies, and/or dysphasia, often generally and quite effortlessly communicate their suffering and anguish to us.
This may be revealed through evident fluctuations in their functional status, physical ability, nonverbal means of communication, and/or normal behavioural responses to unmet need.
Nevertheless, if we are not utilising our innate observational abilities, and are not attuned to these authentic forms of interaction, a person’s distress may be discounted, thus feelings of alienation and loss of camaraderie may occur between individuals.
This places a person at considerable risk, given this dismissive approach on our part, may become the catalyst to a person losing trust and faith in us, retreating into their own reality, socially isolating themselves, thus effectively destroying their sense of self.
It seems unquestionably challenging for ‘us’, as cognitively aware persons, to adjust ourselves and display enough suppleness in ‘our’ attitude, to enter this territory of sometimes silent or alternate interaction, for the sake of another.
A pain comprised of loneliness, misery, and despair.
A pain like no other apparently, and one that is consistently overlooked and unheeded.
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Does this not seem like we have everything the wrong way around given we are not the ones living with cognitive changes?????
Does this not make you question our conceit in expecting people living with dementia to modify themselves and change for us???
If only we could use our perceptive ability, responsiveness, and empathy to be a little more flexible in OUR approaches, we may make life less problematic for highly vulnerable people who interact in an incredibly genuine, albeit different way, to what we so unfairly anticipate and expect.
Isolation and loneliness:
Purpose is central to how we envisage ourselves, the place we hold within the world, and how we maintain our sense of identity.
This includes the need to be accepted and valued.
Our spiritual side assimilates our physical, emotional, and social relations within our own personal existence, and life meaning is often associated and identified through our relationships, connections, and self-image.
Years ago, I discovered an anonymous quote that demonstrated clearly the feelings and words of an older lady living with dementia, when her need for intimacy, companionship, and social interaction was neglected.
‘If I am no longer a woman, why do I still feel like one? If no longer worth holding, why do I crave it? If no longer sensual, why do I enjoy the soft texture of silk against my skin? If no longer sensitive, why do moving lyric songs strike a responsive chord in me? My every molecule seems to scream out that I do, indeed exist, and that existence must be valued by someone! Without someone to walk this labyrinth by my side, without the touch of a fellow traveller who understands my needs of self-worth, how can I endure the rest of this unchartered journey?’.
Anonymous.
Imagine the core suffering that occurs when you desperately want to connect and can’t, because no one bothers to relate to you, nor make any effort to meaningfully interact with you, on a level that enables you to respond without being made to feel inadequate, embarrassed, or inferior.
Imagine having your rights, choices, and preferences stripped away, as you continue to desperately appeal for your voice to be heard, and to be ‘seen’.
It is becoming increasingly obvious and apparent within the older generation, inclusive of those living with dementia, how lack of social engagement, enforced solitude, reduced human contact and feelings of exclusion, may precipitate harmful biopsychosocial mood-altering spirals, consisting of intense misery and insignificance.
Grief, loss, past trauma, aging, loss of abilities and independence, unfamiliar environments, lack of meaningful engagement,
misuse of medications, and/or living with ineffectively managed multiple co-morbidities, all may produce feelings of
agonizing inner pain.
These condemnatory attitudes towards those that are older or living with dementia might often create attitudes within society
that become tremendously demeaning, thus unfairly precipitate feelings of poor self-worth, self- esteem, despair, depression,
and unworthiness.
This then may rapidly compound into emotional agony, and a dark, grim, sense of ill-being.
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These negative emotions, when sustained over extended periods of time, may lead and manifest into such internal hopelessness, they often become a principal root source to people socially detaching themselves from everything around them.
This may generate further withdrawal within oneself, at times exacerbating and triggering a more rapid, aggressive, decline and clinical deterioration, that may lead to severe depression, and significant frailty.
If we ignore the essence and the spirituality of any person, we may essentially extinguish their core.
The need to deliver spiritual sustenance to older people and especially those living with dementia is thus particularly crucial. This is especially relevant when a person with cognitive changes may be unable to efficiently access the resources previously available to them prior to the onset of dementia.
Furthermore, loneliness is not exclusive nor limited to those that live alone or in complete solitude.
Some people living with dementia articulate they experience the most intense feelings of separation and unforgiving remoteness, whilst surrounded by, or living with, a number of individuals.
People who reside within residential aged care, have at times expressed how shockingly brutal and dehumanising is the sensation, when one suddenly comes to the horrifying realisation that they are deemed so unimportant, they may as well be labelled ‘invisible’.
When a person feels unloved, they may lose hold of the tentative connections to all those simple joyful moments, that enhance and enrich their lives.
If we then eliminate every link connected to a person’s ability to continue existing as they desire, we may be sentencing them to this harsh fate, through our reckless, unthinking lack of consideration.
We may in fact be considered their ‘executioners’, given it is we who provoke this rapid decline, deterioration, and eventual death of spirit and soul.
Why? Because we give off the impression that we just don’t care enough.
Honestly, the ugly reality is, in many cases, a demonstration of how humanity has become inherently, gravely, self- indulgent, and self-involved.
It is consequently logical that this hedonistic approach to life may eventually slaughter the souls of those who are exposed to such consistent projection of ongoing rejection and abandonment.
These core negative emotional states consist of punitive extremes, especially for a person living with dementia, whose present may transform rapidly when needs are not met, and their individual preferences dishonoured.
Logically, it is reasonable to suggest that this effectively generates a scenario where a person’s perception becomes clouded by an overwhelming and persistent sense of confusion, anxiety, and agitation, simply because of the unfairness of it all.
This punishing turmoil may plunge a person down into the melancholy, horrific depths of desolation.
It may further develop into a terrifying existence, if not alleviated, eventually pounding a fragile spirit already possibly broken by wretchedness.
It could appear as a nightmarish prison, forcing a person to confront and confirm their deepest fears.
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These fears in turn may redefine their reality, by exposing every vulnerability, and crushing any light that may still flicker within.
Loneliness cruelly lashes away at a person’s hope and courage.
When we spend days, weeks, months, without meaningful interaction, this relentless, unyielding disenchantment may be the impetus to a person questioning the place they hold within the world.
Their personhood may feel as if its slowly and painfully being stripped away, layer by layer, as they silently scream within, and hurtle into nothingness.
For this reason alone, our only purpose should be to create a life that supports well-being within the lives of our older
population and people living with dementia.
To truly achieve this, we must generate culpability and responsibility towards improving and refining, not ignoring, the life
quality of people who are obviously at extreme risk as a result of incessant discrimination, segregation, neglect, and lack of
social inclusion.
Again, this could be supported by the summation that it ought to be easier for us since we purportedly tend to present
ourselves as “intelligent individuals”.
If this is truly the case, then I challenge why it seems so eternally difficult for us to utilise our powers of empathy and
insight, to do everything we possibly can to implement a more considerate process based on the ethos of “caring for another”
unconditionally.
This would include identifying and resolving past and present issues that might potentially be a source of anguish and pain
for the person living with dementia, whilst linking into those beautifully positive and joyful aspects related to that person’s
life story.
This in itself may maintain, and ensure, individual needs are revered, through acknowledgement that every person is a
product of their own life transitions, understanding how this fundamental component of self is relevant to their present, thus
incorporating it all into their current existence and threading it transcendentally into their future.
By undertaking a reassessment of our perspectives and considering the person first, instead of viewing and defining them as
a medical condition, it is hoped, that for the person with dementia, living with cognitive changes does not in any way
compromise their lifestyle nor their ongoing enjoyment of it.
Isolation and loneliness as an evident killer of the soul!!!!!
The loss of joyfulness:
When we anticipate or experience joy, it delivers intense warmth and delight, of which we hold close.
This pleasure stimulates gratifying emotions, delivering wonderfully dynamic sparkles of energy that dance with gay abandon through our minds and bodies, all the way down to our fingertips.
Visualize now, sitting and thinking about life, clutching frantically to these fragile and delicate memories that sporadically make your heart soar.
When possible, you may relive these recollections, played back in your mind, like an old-fashioned flickering film. Sometimes you may even actually feel the power of the magic that once was.
It is as if your mind becomes the only reliable source of happiness and pleasure.
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Nonetheless, as time passes, and human interaction changes or evaporates, this tender contentment begins to slowly dissipate.
A hostile sense of extreme loss deflates you like a balloon releasing a last pathetic puff of air.
This excerpt from one of my previous papers captures the essence of what transpires when a person feels deserted, lonely, isolated, and lost, whilst struggling internally, because they can no longer find themselves within the vast remote world that has disconnected from them.
“Imagine for a moment, searching for a distinct place within the world— the harder you search for that space, the more bewildering it becomes. Your innate desire is to connect, but your need for inclusion cannot be met. The tougher and more puzzling this search becomes, the more anxious and uneasy you feel.
Those around you just don’t seem to appreciate your reality, nor provide you with the companionship you so crave and yearn for. You feel utterly alone, with an overwhelming sense of core suffering and misery— you withdraw into yourself. It seems sometimes that the people around you think you have lost your humanity. Those who look after you constantly stare through you with unseeing eyes.
You sit in the chair in your room, alone, feeling overpoweringly miserable, frustrated, anxious and afraid.
You can no longer put these feelings of unhappiness into words. You feel disheartened, and cry a lot over nothing much at all, because you do not feel your life has any meaning anymore.
Worthlessness intimidates you continually”.
(Leah Bisiani, 2012, 2017).
Now, imagine feeling this way and searching desperately for the thoughts and sentiments that used to represent those happy, carefree times from your life.
Deep within your heart, you just know they were once part of your existence.
But no matter how hard you try; you never quite manage to grasp or revive those blissful and joyous feelings again?
“You were a wife. You know this. But all you have are pictures. But it was only yesterday, wasn’t it?
You want someone to care enough to save you from this fate. Surely someone is wondering where you are. You know you have children, but where are they??
Where is my dear daughter who I showered with love and butterfly kisses from the day of her birth? Surely my darling baby boy was wanting a cuddle from his mama???? So where are they now? Have they all left you???
Have they taken them? Were they real? Where are all those friends you had always supported with every ounce of your energy, through your entire life??
Surely the phone is plugged in?? Why does it not ever make a sound? Like a silent cruel instrument of torture, mocking you as you desperately wait to hear the sound of its annoying ring. You yearn to hear that blasted ring……..where is everyone, anyone, someone, to pull you out of this quagmire and save your soul.
It is sucking you under and you feel like you are going to suffocate………’help me’ you silently mouth into nothingness………”.
(Leah Bisiani, 2018).
A solitary tear is released from a sad clouded eye and falls to the floor unrecognised. ************************
Human beings are proud and sometimes fickle creatures.
When we are in pain, or ill, or need assistance, this is when we are least likely to ask for help from those we love, for we never want to feel like we are a burden.
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Many of us have an innate and utmost faith in those who know us better than anyone else, to be there for us in times when we are broken.
We desire and wish for them to see when we struggle, viewing life through our lens, so they may be there for us in our hour of need, without ever having to request it.
Because who wants to beg for scraps of attention after all????
When living through such dreadfully vicious inner pain, when it so swiftly and abruptly engulfs you, a person may come to the realisation, that they have waited too long, and it is possible their agony will now never be realized nor alleviated.
They may then lack the ability, emotional strength, fortitude, and resilience, to even articulate how this turmoil has destroyed them.
The words may swirl within their head in a tangled chaotic mess.
‘Maybe I should have called and reached out to those who have so insensitively forgotten me?!
Maybe they would then have beheld my sad eyes and witnessed the excruciating pain I hold within my crushed soul. Maybe if they had acknowledged my suffering, then this would have made the difference required to cease this devastating spiral into nothingness”.
(Leah Bisiani, 2018).
Envisage waiting for a rescuer that never comes, and how eternally and emotionally draining and exhausting it must be.
The evil sinkhole that inadvertently becomes a person’s biosphere, if not recognised, may continue to twist, and turn downwards, shrouded by shadows, where every thought becomes caught up in a savage vortex of pain.
Imagine now, “You have become so overwhelmed by this atrocious experience, you never manage to express your anguish, as your spirit continues to weep within the confines of your mind.
Some part of you still forever waits, in solitude, for what seems like an eternity……….as your gentle, wavering spark is slowly, agonisingly extinguished”.
(Leah Bisiani, 2018).
But instead, everyone just continues to hectically rush around, totally absorbed by their own self-consumed lives.
Subsequently, it is we who must loudly convey and strongly emphasise to all of humanity, the destructive effects of blatantly
demeaning and belittling another by discounting the gravity of emotional distress and the pain they may potentially be
experiencing within, as their core crumbles with hopelessness.
Not only may this spawn a deleterious and harmful atmosphere in which a person may feel powerless to preserve any
meaning to their existence but may continue a more insidious pathway that leads to eventual fatality.
This heart-breaking failure on our part to recognise the fundamental weakness in our own nature, may inadvertently grind
and pound the feelings of those that are helpless to fight back, to a point where they may die from a loss of faith in humanity,
and a broken heart.
This could be viewed as the ultimate betrayal, due to our unwillingness to comprehend and preserve the concepts correlated
with the ‘meaning of life’.
Maintenance of personhood as an expression of the human spirit:
Many people living with dementia find that dementia conveys experiences and understandings that those of us without the condition cannot even imagine, and furthermore, there are most probably no specific ways for them to express this verbally.
We are enormously disinclined to recognise, encourage, and rejoice in differing human abilities, inclusive of each person’s diversity, uniqueness, and differing methods of interaction, and this unfortunately may deprive every one of us.
From the moment an individual has been diagnosed or acknowledged as having dementia, a common and immediate reaction by those around them, is to assume the person is no longer the same person and has likewise lost their right to express their own identity through the continuation of life and relationships.
This is essentially yet another discriminatory postulation based on a subjective cognitive vantage point.
As discussed, these rash and reckless attitudes may harmfully effect and damage lifestyle, thus rapidly remove meaning from the existence of a person living with dementia.
The elimination of human contact, could, and often does, appear to older people and the person living with dementia, as a
total disregard for their personal needs, leaving them feeling sad, dejected, corrupted, and desolate.
It has been established that enforced solitude and remoteness may generate situations in which emotive needs may be
overlooked, or these needs ‘assumed’ to be unimportant, thus individual rights may be pitilessly discounted, dignity
dishonoured, and a person left to face extreme distress, pain and misery…….suffering inner trauma, alone.
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Social contact, and positive interface with others of all ages, is a crucial feature in preserving and shaping our individual uniqueness, for we often define ourselves based on this rudimentary human necessity.
Without the ability to connect and build relationships with those around us, to feel a sense of purpose, it is possible a person’s personhood may begin to fade as they lose hope.
This may in turn construct a scenario where they may feel so inadequate and undervalued, they give up.
Enabling someone to retain, and/or reopen the lines of exchange may profoundly and positively change a person’s life experience and assist them to maintain the place they hold within the world.
Does this not additionally, imply, that moments of significance developed for individuals with dementia may assist them to experience positive emotion, linked to specific partialities that may be considered personally exclusive and meaningful to them?
Accordingly, it should be considered that person-focused approaches, may therefore, instigate dramatic changes within the malevolent philosophies of care associated with living with dementia.
Hence, to foster true balance, it could be suggested that we should adjust our mindsets and create personalised advances that merge biopsychosocial needs within the functional and clinical paradigms, so we may finally appreciate people living with dementia, pay tribute to them for who they are, and rejoice in how significantly they contribute to humankind.
Contemplate how, instead of denying personhood, we adopt a more empathetic and compassionate approach towards understanding and caring for people living with dementia, so that we ensure our presence impacts positively on their lives in a deferential, affectionate, and tender manner.
This is considered a rudimentary dynamic associated with an area which is habitually misunderstood, yet it’s the most definitive and critical factor in salvaging a person’s spirit.
Hence it is vital that we consider the significant affiliation between these features and connect them to the person.
“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being”.
John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love.
The search for meaning:
This then enables a person to continue experiencing some level of control over their own lives.
This may be accomplished through ongoing interaction of a nature which advances techniques to engage in any activity that conveys significance to the individual’s past or present life.
Delving into the past memories of any person, including people living with dementia, may be considered an admirable approach in re-establishing or re-generating lost emotional security and cherished relationships.
It is often discussed that empathy and emotional comfort engenders tenderness, the calming of pain and sadness, as well as resolution of the need to express stress related emotional responses because a person has just had enough!
Acknowledging the relevance and significance of long-term memory, retained for the lengthiest amount of time, may become a delightful and pleasing way to acquire and share the foundations, and gain knowledge, about another human being, thus acquaint us with the sparkle that is shining within.
Envision the remarkable and exceptional implications that may arise when we capture the life story and memories of another.
When we truly bother to acknowledge the vast fountains of valuable information and precious insights that trickle from each person’s aura, it may potentially illustrate by what means those treasured moments in time, truly exemplifies who that person has always been, still is, and has become.
Maybe this humble but special appreciation for another’s sense of self, can be further expanded upon through the utilisation and encouragement of sustained quality time with relatives and friends, through the honouring of choices, incorporating familiar features of life such as pets, favoured books, treasured hobbies, accustomed music, physical activity, and of course continuing lifelong customs.
By affirming the life transitions of another, interacting on a human level, connecting with benevolence, and acknowledging
emotional desires, we may effectively endorse social understanding, intimacy, comfort, and amiability.
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It is imperative to similarly ‘remind’ people of those beautifully simple pleasures, that may also be central to their happiness, such as a gorgeous garden, birds singing, smelling a flower, lifting their face to the sun, a syrupy cookie, a warm cup of tea or a massive hug where no one wants to let go.
This powerful awareness enables us to visualise a less fragmented image of a person, and instead digest the phenomenal lifetime that has become the exceptional individual standing in front of us.
What a privilege to be invited to enter such a remarkable world of diversity and wonder, and to share the extraordinary journey with those who breathed it.
Knowing a person on such a glorious, personal level, may be the catalyst to creating opportunities that eliminate inner despair and pain, imparting hope, uplifting the soul, and raising self-worth.
The emphasis should therefore be focused wholly on the person, to guarantee our attentiveness and utmost flexibility captures their essence, values their life experiences, and acknowledge their sense of identity.
Only then can we embrace a person within their own private actuality and empower ourselves to preserve their integral rights as a human being.
The exquisiteness of reminiscence, nostalgia, and validation of life experiences:
People living with dementia often attempt to search for purposeful significance through reminiscing about past memories, and the defining periods within the rich tapestry of their lives.
We do not have the right to savagely reject others nor strip people of who they are, purely because we are so unyielding, and lack the ability to see life through their eyes.
Recognising the evolution of a person throughout their own splendid and divergent journey, allows us to honour their humanity by retaining those wonderful elements required for them to survive, and enables us to cultivate compassion by learning to respect and value others.
We cannot deny how these myriads of experiences contribute to a lifetime of development and must ensure these aspects of a person’s spirit are always preserved, holding a significant place within.
Reminiscence, nostalgia, and validation are both powerful and fascinating techniques used when acting compassionately and initiating positive interaction.
Through the precious, poignant beauty of nostalgia we may empathetically capture the true substance of a person, whilst linking and validating their long-term passions, sentiments, and memories, to the present moment.
The use of old, faded, photographs that may curl at the edges, hold moments in time for eternity.
Song and dance can sift through the years and make smiles appear where none have flitted for so long.
Sentimental possessions and little trinkets may all generate contact and interaction on a level that not only stimulates interaction but taps into the beauty associated with the years behind the wrinkles.
Afterall, the lines on the faces of those we care for are the battle scars and proof that they have shown up for this rollercoaster ride and is a testament to their absolute resilience and grit.
Regeneration of past relationships, reminiscent of jubilant, light-hearted eras, may additionally aid in fulfilling attachment needs, which strengthens those enduring bonds that may possibly exist in one’s life, establishing a form of connection between generations.
Younger children are often a wonderful and charming source of non-judgemental, unconditional honesty and acceptance. They are particularly exceptional because they possess an innate ability to ‘take people as they come’.
They do not have inbuilt stigmatised or stereotypical arrogances clouding their virtuous innocence.
Only we, as the role models of the younger generation, foster negativity in our children’s hearts and minds.
Therefore, it is we who must create change, teaching our offspring to develop the skills required to mature in a fashion that allows humanity to acquire attributes that cherish one another, and exist together as one, because of our differences, and not in spite of them.
“What should young people do with their lives today?? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured”.
Kurt Vonnegut.
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As discussed, all people are made up of innumerable captivating moments in time, superb stories, heartbreak we possibly cannot envisage, tender and sweet memories, horrific loss, phenomenal joy, and uplifting recollections that make their story complete.
These wonderful images of life, painted by the artist themselves, may successfully close the gaps between our broken generations, and foster total appreciation of the very differences that make us all so very special.
Why would we not desire to sit down and have wild conversations with a person who is older and usually much wiser, than us?
Why would we not yearn to enter, and discover what it is that makes their world real and tangible?
Why would we not long to tap into everything we possibly can that allows us to give meaning to our own story?\
They say the best learning experience is at the feet of an older person.
This heightened awareness allows us to function on a transformed stratosphere and permits us to demonstrate untainted regard and admiration for lives well lived.
Anything can be shared if only we showed some interest.
“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared”.
Lois Lowry.
“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything”.
Plato.
When we contemplate music as a feature of a person’s personality and recall, we appreciate the stimulation and stunning therapeutic effects and responses it arouses.
The benefits aren’t unexpected, given this form of healing encounter has been utilised for people living with dementia for countless years, and research supports the corporeal ecstasy, and utter bliss that music inspires, as it includes us and draws us into a person’s melodic journey.
It’s an illuminating therapy, when used correctly and the individual, specific choices and preferences of the person are honoured.
Keeping active through music furthermore maintains physical strength, and cognitive ability, for longer, which in turn, guarantees independence, freedom, and autonomy, is retained for longer.
The endorphins released when music is played may also successfully convert a sense of ill-being and confusion, to one of alertness, positivity, and wellbeing.
The most pertinent benefit of music is the connective influence of social interface, and the manner in which it may inherently stimulate the spirit, thus fostering improved interaction, empowering people to express themselves verbally and non-verbally through melody and dance.
People who live with dementia frequently bond through music, as it is more often an experience that is recognised as a commonality that can be shared, pursuing happiness and delight amongst generations.
Music seems to touch the soul of us all.
Music- dance to the beat of your own drum:
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I have witnessed myself, people who rarely verbalise or speak, break out into song, word perfect, due to the evident relationship between their own innate musical appreciation linking into their long-term memory.
Some people will clap and smile and harmonise.
You may see an unexpected little boogie or dance, or a person may kick up their heels, as they remember the exquisiteness and loveliness of life through song.
Music may thus link to wonderfully marvellous memories that revitalise a lifecycle of charming, shimmering experiences, all composed to a beautiful sentimental melody.
It can be one of the most moving, dazzling, glorious encounters, when used appropriately and cathartically, whilst the distinct predilections of the person are honoured through this alluring medium.
“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness”.
Maya Angelou
Conclusion:
In retrospect, it is evident that on no occasion should we disregard the fact that older people and people living with dementia have deeply intense, profound, and emotional requirements, just as we do, that include feeling considered, needed, and valued; to feel worthy; to feel that others are devoted to their uniqueness, and to be loved and appreciated for it.
“At a time when an older person is experiencing the most dramatic changes in their life, they cannot be placed in a situation where who they are, and have been, becomes secondary to the priorities and demands of where they are, or who is caring for them. Becoming older, living with dementia and/or having physical conditions that debilitate, does not mean losing oneself or one’s humanity. If needs are not met effectively, then that person is likely to deteriorate, thus withdraw into their own personal, lonely reality. However, if needs are effectively met then a person shall continue to embrace life and their personhood once more and retain the distinct and integral place they hold in the world”. (Leah Bisiani, 2010).
We should never place people at risk by dishonouring them nor their existence, through the thoughtless removal of all that is personally significant to them, rendering them helpless, and forcing them to fight for the human right to live as they choose.
No person warrants such a severe sentence of harsh isolation, and we are neither judge nor jury to decree this is how it should be.
This seems to have become a shamefully cruel existence that we often hand out so insensitively, and there are no excuses that may be used to justify our part in this miserable scenario, nor this apparent outrageous crime against the defenceless.
We have the ability, and the chance, to cease our disturbing, obscene, self-indulgent behaviour by utilising our emotional intelligence, so that we may truly engage with those who are vulnerable, and relying on us, whilst seeking and discovering some sense of purity within ourselves.
Let us alleviate this pain of internal suffering and enable people living with dementia to live a life that is uplifting and full of
joy.
Let us never allow any person to lose touch with who they are, nor the motivation required to inspire them to thrive and blossom.
It could be argued, that by assisting a person living with dementia to survive in a world that is constantly changing, focusing on what they can do instead of what they can’t, understanding who they are within, and what they essentially need to keep
Theoretically, it could be suggested that to age positively, we require humanity as a whole to commit to, and acknowledge,
the crucial elements associated with celebrating the multilayered experiences of those who came before us.
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their spirit whole, may manifest effortlessly into the development of a more intuitive and accurate understanding of a person’s individual bio-psychosocial needs.
Only through elevating the way we perceive another’s life story may we offer opportunities for them to live their best life free of the poverty associated with the extremes of loneliness, and instead perpetuate the continuation of purpose, meaningful engagement, and relationships that continue to flourish.
Every day is a fresh and beautiful new beginning for a person living with dementia.
From the moment a person opens their eyes to your sparkling smiles, and are treated with love, compassion, sensitivity, and reverence, this may instantly provide an emotional response that upholds positivity and wonder, effectively defying and negating unconstructive, dark emotional responses.
These simple and random acts of kindness may set the scene for the remainder of the day, when continued and upheld.
Let us consequently consider fostering appreciation, recognition, and respect for each person’s precious and exclusive lifetime, by guaranteeing we do everything within our power to continue life as that person knows it.
No one deserves anything less.
This more evolved means of gaining insight into each individual’s personal experience, may likewise lead to a reassessed conceptualisation regarding the influence of dementia, in which we encourage a person to essentially partake in and embrace an additionally special, exclusive and personal experience because of their dementia.
Accordingly, instead of a detached solo experience, the caregiving experience may resonate within us, empowering us to develop a journey of togetherness, value, joy and meaning.
Evidently, we are accountable for nurturing our own humanity to support civilisation, and value the cultivation of kindness, by respecting our vulnerable older population, and especially people living with dementia.
We ought to inspire ourselves to WANT to become a better version of ourselves every day.
We must acquire the ability to develop compassion, we should critique isolation and reintroduce community and culture changes, subsequently refining our great power and precision in response to a more humane philosophy.
Bottom line: our job is to maintain and become the providers of happiness.
We must do whatever it takes to ensure this completeness is what each person experiences every minute of every single day.
Let us follow an ethos that strongly supports and values the voices of people living with dementia, when they clearly convey what they need to sustain their personal and distinctive sense of identity.
“Validate me and who I have been my entire life. See ME, not the condition I live with. I am more than dementia. I am amazing and am my own story. If you bother to know me, and listen, you can be my saviour and I will never stop smiling. Meet me in the middle, and then you will be able to sing my song and share my world with me. I invite you to MY journey”. (Leah Bisiani, 2009).
Having another person share and partake in your lived experience, may be transformative, and pivotal in ensuring that a
person with dementia does not live an isolated life comprised of core suffering, sorrow, grief, and despair, but instead,
champions an existence encompassing control, confidence, dignity, and connection.
Fundamentally, within every situation there is always an opportunity for people living with dementia to maintain their
personhood, thus live with a sense of wellbeing.
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Reach out and be proud to advocate and provide a voice of strength for the empathy revolution.
© Leah Bisiani March.2018. Reviewed 2023. Uplifting Dementia.
“Our task must be to free ourselves……..by widening our circle to compassion to embrace all living creatures and the
whole of nature and its beauty”.
Albert Einstein.